Who doesn't like to receive gifts?
We all enjoy being thought of, don't we?
Well, I LOVE giving gifts...it is one of my Love languages.
Over the years I gave many gifts to my mother in an effort to see her happy. She was such a complex woman. The trauma of her childhood created a deep abyss in her soul and she self medicated with wine and vodka to cover her pain.
My regular notes and gift books, flowers and paintings, all brought fleeting smiles. And when I presented her with grandchildren, that was pure magic because she so enjoyed their early years. Still, her "liquid lover" (alcohol) kept her from truly receiving the love I offered. As my children left the nest and my Mom moved close by, I needed to deal with the rejection I had felt despite all of my attempts to connect with her.
And so it was that GOD did a mighty work in me! As my care-giving duties increased, HE enabled me to give my Mom the best gift in the world...Forgiveness.
I was only able to give it because it was HIS Forgiveness flowing through me. How remarkable that GOD loves us when we are unlovely...and HE empowers us to do the same for those around us!
(2007)
For over a year I have known that I was supposed to write the story of what HE did in my relationship with my Mom... about the final gift I gave her.
Though I have let illness and busyness, a major move and ministry needs derail my attempts to obey, NOW is the time to do it. I am so thankful for all those who are praying for me to be diligent in writing. Please keep praying that I will allow GOD's SPIRIT to lead me to completion! I'm not sure how much I will post on this Blog, but the following is an excerpt from the chapter on weight:
"During my pre-adolescent years, long before VCRs and DVDs, our family would gather around the black and white television to watch The Wizard of Oz. You might remember that it became a holiday event. That’s when I fell in love with the character of Dorothy. Actually, I fell in love with Judy Garland’s yearning rendition of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” The song was haunting and inspiring all at the same time. It described the longing in my heart to be somewhere else…anywhere more joyful, more loving, more safe. It became my favorite song, the one father would request if we happened to be in a place with live music. That particular combination of lyrics and tune formed an invisible bottle opener, lifting the edge of my sealed-off hurt, allowing the escape of hope-scented tears.
When I researched Judy Garland’s tormented life for a book report in junior high, I realized that her stardom came at a huge cost. One area that was always under scrutiny was her weight. Of petite stature, she carried curves of “baby fat” into her career and was put on endless deprivation diets. I remember reading once that she went for weeks consuming nothing more than toast and tea. In some small way, I could relate.
My mother told me I was fat when I was 5 and half years old... "
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As always I am interested in your relationship with your Mom. Feel free to share with us your triumphs and trials...I long to encourage you.
Blessings to you and yours.
If only when we were young we had the wisdom to know that WORDS HAVE MEANING. I'm trying harder, even at my age, to be more careful with them. I have a wonderful mom and our relationship has only gotten better in later years...but I too have discovered the gift of forgiveness for the times when I was young and I felt wounded, either by words or by being forced to grow up too quickly or by feeling dethroned every time a new sibling came along (I am the oldest of 7). When my brother died at 16 and I was 17, my mom went into a deep depression. All the pictures came down and he was rarely spoken of again. I didn't know how to process this until I was much older and realized it was just too painful for her. It took 35 years, but mom finally said one day "I know I wasn't 'there' for you during that time." Forgiveness flowed and healing began.
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