Just Wondering...

If you were to write a book about your relationship with your Mother, what would you title it?

Really, what would it be called?  I'd like to know.

In my case, I've thought of titles like:  "Searching for Mother,"  "The Dutiful Daughter," and  "A Daughter's Final Gift."

Right now I'm reading a fascinating book by Patricia Beard (1999) entitled:  Good Daughters.
FYI, on page 18 she lists the goals of the "good daughter":

~ To help our mothers find meaning and comfort at the end of their lives.
~To have relationships with them that satisfy us both, and to engage with them as adults, with mutual respect.
~To love our mothers as uncritically as we did when we were children- or at least to be better than we have been lately at showing them that we love them.

What do you think about these? 
Any you would change or add?

God bless you and your mother.

Twenty Eight Years Ago Today...

I became a mother!

Motherhood is a privilege often
taken for granted.

Yet many are saddened by infertility,
so I appreciate the blessing all the more.

Katie Grace changed my life forever.

She is my only daughter and so close to my heart.

The love I have for her is deeper
than words can describe...

know what I mean?

Though she is busy raising her own children
out-of-state,

my thoughts walk beside her

and my prayers for her

bookend my days.

Truly the love I feel for her has helped me
love my own mother.

Though alcohol was a barrier to Mom's
expressions of love,

I came to understand that didn't diminish
the care she had for me.

On Katie's birthday, I am so thankful for

the awesome privilege
of watching her grow and blossom.

The challenges of parenting have been many

but the rewards ever more so.

I wouldn't have missed a day of it!

How about you?

Does your child's birthday

cause you to be introspective?

Does it remind you to be thankful?

An Award and A Purpose

Dear Ones, thank you for checking in from time to time, and thank you for sharing about your relationships with your Moms.
I started this Blog specifically as a forum to express the powerful feelings that daughters experience as they "dance" with their mothers.

All women are DAUGHTERS, so we all have a dance. 

We were raised by imperfect women, with their own "hurts, hang-ups and habits," who struggled with their own feelings about their mothers.  They either waltzed, or tangoed; marched or did the rumba.  Some women do a frenzied dance while others sway with grace and peace.

Maybe your Mom is a self-less, nurturing woman and you have basked in her unconditional love.
Praise GOD if you were blessed with such a mother. 

Perhaps you never knew unconditional love because your Mom was too damaged by her past, and didn't know how to give it to you.  That is my story.

Either way, as women who know the LOVE of Christ, we are called to love our Moms and honor them.
Maybe we can help each other bless our mothers, by sharing our hearts and the Hope we have in our relationship with GOD.

My friend Nellie over at Nellie's Cozy Place sent me an award last week and I want to pass it along.

She asked that I share 7 things about myself that you might not know....hmmm...let's see.

1)  I LOVE animals, but I'm allergic to their dander...so I can't have any kitty cats, doggies, otters or ferrets.  This has been a long time sadness for me, but I hope to have many animals in Heaven.

2)  I used to LOVE to ice skate during my childhood...mostly on in-door rinks,very fond memories.  The cold air made my eyes tear up, but my heart overflowed with joy.

3) MUSIC really touches my heart and I treasure sentimental lyrics and praise songs.

4) Photography is a favorite hobby of mine!  Cooking...not so much. 

5) I had the privilege to study in Austria when I was in college.  Such a fantastic experience which included tours of Italy, Britain, France, Germany and the Czech Republic.

6) Friendships are the Jewels of my life.  I treasure connectedness!

7) I married my high school sweetheart and have been blessed beyond measure with the unconditional love of an honorable, caring man for over 30 years.  Thank You LORD!

NOW, to pass on this award, I nominate three precious ladies:

 Diana at To Everything A Season  http://www.dfseason.blogspot.com/

 Kay at Nana's Nuggets http://www.Kaymiers.blogspot.com/

 Karen at Lily Valley http://www.lilyvalley-karen.blogspot.com/

  Please visit these sweet blogs, you will be encouraged!
 

The Love of a LDG!

I came across this photo today...my mother-in-law welcoming my 6 year old daughter in 1989.
Because we settled across the country, she was relegated to being a LDG: long distance grandma.
She lived in New Jersey and we lived in the Seattle area.  We tried to get "home" at least once a year.
Though she had several children and grandchlidren living in town, she missed our family in a way I could not have understood until now...

Now that I am a LDG!

Looking at the tender intensity of her hug, caught on film, I relate completely to the sense of joy in seeing a grandchild after months of absence.  I relate to the sense of longing that we were closer.  I imagine that she prayed for GOD to move us closer...I know that I pray that way for my children and grands.

"LORD, please bless LDG's in a special way!  Thank you for the miracles of technology like email and Skype.  May your perfect will be done in each of our lives. Amen."

Unmentionables...

You know, those things women don't typically talk about, like chin hair and eye brow pencils and burying your mother.

Unless you know Jesus, death is so final.
A box with your mother in it...dirt shoveled back into a gaping hole...ending your earthly relationship and any dreams of better understanding or affectionate touch.

With Christ, however, we have the Hope of a beautiful reunion.
Still there is separation and waiting.

So, time should not be taken for granted.  We each have today...right now...and no promise of days to come.  Reach out to your loved ones and let them know you care.
It will make their day and yours too.

Check out this blog for precious words about legacy and mother/daughter love:
http://www.peaceforthejourney.blogspot.com/

Sending ((HUGS)) through the computer.

A Precious Gift ~

My birthday was this week, and it brought to the forefront memories of my Mom.
I guess it was to be expected. I mean birthdays and anniversaries are perfect times for reflection.

And who shares your birthday more poignantly that your mother?
I've always liked to honor mothers on their childrens' birthdays...after all, they did all the work on that day!

So I was thinking back to the year I was pregnant with my firstborn.  When July rolled around, I was in my 7th month and feeling sooo maternal!  That's when it occurred to me to send my mother a bouquet of flowers to thank her for giving me birth.  She was a real estate broker at the time and I must have sent them to her office (to make the most impact I suppose).

Well, did I get points or what!  She was delighted with the sentiment behind my gift and shared with friends far and wide.

One other time she received flowers on my birthday. 
It was a year of trauma for her with multiple surgeries on her spine.  My dear husband  thought of sending her a lavish bouquet at the hospital to celebrate my 50th.  He did it without asking me or telling me about it.  He was just so thankful for me, his wife, that he thought it would bless both of us.  At the time I was not overjoyed.  Her ongoing illnesses had stripped me of energy, focus and peace, and my life felt like it would never be my own again. 

However, looking back, I am so grateful for the tender love of this precious man!   It was the right thing to do, to try and lift her spirits and I'm so happy he thought of it.

Sometimes the most precious gifts cost us dearly.  Whether it be our pride, or unforgiveness; resentment or jealousy; when we give unselfishly, we are always blessed in the process. 

How about you?  You don't have to wait til your birthday to bless your Mom or another loved one.
What can you do today?

Great Fiction and Thoughts on Love...

Francine Rivers' saga about mother/daughter relationships, "Her Mother's Hope," is a powerful book about the way women misunderstand each other.  You might see glimpses of your own mother/daughter relationships in her story, I know that I did.  Francine has the ability to draw you into a story as if you are right there with her characters.  I highly recommend any of her wonderful books, and this tale has a sequel that is now available (and in the mail to me as I type!).

Well, as I begin in earnest to explore the root of tensions between my mother and me, I'm realizing that so much of it has to do with "how" we tried to express love.  The fact is there was love between us, but it wasn't easy to receive it.  The characters in "Her Mother's Hope" struggle with this very dilemma.

Ever heard of "The Five Love Languages" by author Gary Chapman?  As individuals, we receive love in different ways.  Some "feel" loved when they hear words of encouragement, for others love is communicated through physical touch.  Acts of service is another way people feel loved by others and spending quality time is yet another way to communicate love. Finally, gift giving is also a way that some people receive the message of love.

Which Love Language best communicates that YOU are Loved?
1) Words of Encouragement
2) Physical Touch
3) Acts of Service
4) Quality Time
5) Gift Giving
(*not necessarily in the author's order)
   
The struggle comes when we automatically "love" others in the way we receive love.  Because they may not be "getting it!"  It takes time to figure out which love language speaks to which person.
If we really love someone, we'll make the effort to discover what fills their emotional tank:  encouraging words, physical touch, acts of service, quality time or gift giving.

LOVE is a verb, and sometimes we get lazy and passive about showing it.
What will you do today to show someone you love them?