Unmentionables...

You know, those things women don't typically talk about, like chin hair and eye brow pencils and burying your mother.

Unless you know Jesus, death is so final.
A box with your mother in it...dirt shoveled back into a gaping hole...ending your earthly relationship and any dreams of better understanding or affectionate touch.

With Christ, however, we have the Hope of a beautiful reunion.
Still there is separation and waiting.

So, time should not be taken for granted.  We each have today...right now...and no promise of days to come.  Reach out to your loved ones and let them know you care.
It will make their day and yours too.

Check out this blog for precious words about legacy and mother/daughter love:
http://www.peaceforthejourney.blogspot.com/

Sending ((HUGS)) through the computer.

A Precious Gift ~

My birthday was this week, and it brought to the forefront memories of my Mom.
I guess it was to be expected. I mean birthdays and anniversaries are perfect times for reflection.

And who shares your birthday more poignantly that your mother?
I've always liked to honor mothers on their childrens' birthdays...after all, they did all the work on that day!

So I was thinking back to the year I was pregnant with my firstborn.  When July rolled around, I was in my 7th month and feeling sooo maternal!  That's when it occurred to me to send my mother a bouquet of flowers to thank her for giving me birth.  She was a real estate broker at the time and I must have sent them to her office (to make the most impact I suppose).

Well, did I get points or what!  She was delighted with the sentiment behind my gift and shared with friends far and wide.

One other time she received flowers on my birthday. 
It was a year of trauma for her with multiple surgeries on her spine.  My dear husband  thought of sending her a lavish bouquet at the hospital to celebrate my 50th.  He did it without asking me or telling me about it.  He was just so thankful for me, his wife, that he thought it would bless both of us.  At the time I was not overjoyed.  Her ongoing illnesses had stripped me of energy, focus and peace, and my life felt like it would never be my own again. 

However, looking back, I am so grateful for the tender love of this precious man!   It was the right thing to do, to try and lift her spirits and I'm so happy he thought of it.

Sometimes the most precious gifts cost us dearly.  Whether it be our pride, or unforgiveness; resentment or jealousy; when we give unselfishly, we are always blessed in the process. 

How about you?  You don't have to wait til your birthday to bless your Mom or another loved one.
What can you do today?

Great Fiction and Thoughts on Love...

Francine Rivers' saga about mother/daughter relationships, "Her Mother's Hope," is a powerful book about the way women misunderstand each other.  You might see glimpses of your own mother/daughter relationships in her story, I know that I did.  Francine has the ability to draw you into a story as if you are right there with her characters.  I highly recommend any of her wonderful books, and this tale has a sequel that is now available (and in the mail to me as I type!).

Well, as I begin in earnest to explore the root of tensions between my mother and me, I'm realizing that so much of it has to do with "how" we tried to express love.  The fact is there was love between us, but it wasn't easy to receive it.  The characters in "Her Mother's Hope" struggle with this very dilemma.

Ever heard of "The Five Love Languages" by author Gary Chapman?  As individuals, we receive love in different ways.  Some "feel" loved when they hear words of encouragement, for others love is communicated through physical touch.  Acts of service is another way people feel loved by others and spending quality time is yet another way to communicate love. Finally, gift giving is also a way that some people receive the message of love.

Which Love Language best communicates that YOU are Loved?
1) Words of Encouragement
2) Physical Touch
3) Acts of Service
4) Quality Time
5) Gift Giving
(*not necessarily in the author's order)
   
The struggle comes when we automatically "love" others in the way we receive love.  Because they may not be "getting it!"  It takes time to figure out which love language speaks to which person.
If we really love someone, we'll make the effort to discover what fills their emotional tank:  encouraging words, physical touch, acts of service, quality time or gift giving.

LOVE is a verb, and sometimes we get lazy and passive about showing it.
What will you do today to show someone you love them?

NEEDS...

Mothers have them.

Young Moms need rest and patience and energy and confidence and guidelines and love.

Moms of small children need all that and more; an extra arm, more hours in the day, a regular break!

Moms of teenagers need courage and wisdom like never before!  And faith that GOD will protect their offspring in ways they never could.

Moms of adult children need discernment to know when to be quiet! 

Grandmas need to be honored and loved.  They need to be needed...yet not to the extent that they must raise the newest generation.

At ALL stages of motherhood we need to trust GOD and let His love nourish our souls.

((HUGS)) to All Moms!

Prevailing LOVE

How can we love our mothers when they act so, so...infuriating?
How can we respond with kindness when they point out something they feel needs to be changed...like our hairstyle, wardrobe, friends or habits?
How can we sense the genuine love and concern behind their critical comments?

The only answer I know:  
We love because JESUS first Loved us!

I've long wondered how women love unconditionally if they don't know the Unconditional Love of Christ.  I suppose some pull it off and sustain fairly healthy relationships apart from HIM, but I sure couldn't.  Left to my own devices, my bruised ego and personal insecurities caused me to react with either shame or anger when my mother would criticize me.  But GOD. 

Once I welcomed Him in to be the center of my life and trusted His love for me, I was able to serve her with kindness and breeze past most of her unappreciated comments.

You see, as is common with many adult children of alcoholics, my home life as a kid reverberated with the tension of my mother's many hurts and emotional wounds.  She was so unhappy with my father and with her life that she often "took it out" on us kids.  How she needed the arms of GOD around her, holding her close!
Her need for acceptance, security and unconditional love reached a crescendo in her later years, during her third marriage after her kids had scattered.

By GOD's Grace, she did find her way to Christ.  Though she couldn't completely give up Vodka, her liquid lover, she found a new peace that sustained her through her final battle with lung cancer.  And on her death bed she asked me why I loved an old lady who had caused me so much pain.  (Check out my post at http://todaysladyvirtue.blogspot.com/2011/05/guest-post-on-celebrating-mothers_23.html) Though I felt pressed in that moment to have a ready answer, the REAL answer is that Christ made it possible!  HIS Love flowing through me!  Thank You LORD!

Is there someone in your life who needs Christ's love and touch?
Maybe it's a friend, acquaintance, family member or even your Mom!
They may be exceedingly difficult to love unconditionally, but Jesus is up to the challenge!
Tap into His Love and see what a difference it makes!

Thanks for stopping by and may you know GOD's Love in abundance today!

I am my mother's daughter!

(circa 1979)

Oh dear... truly the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree!

Cliche...and yet, I see more of her in me as the years pass.
Whether it's "her" hand motions, pursing of the lips or a flipant chuckle now and then, I unconsciously parrot some of my mother's mannerisms and wonder... could these have been passed down from her mother?

Oh, our family trees!  So full of NUTS!

If your mother is still alive, find a way to celebrate her today. 
Don't put it off until an official day in May!
No matter the quality of your relationship, there is always something good to focus on, and no better time than NOW. 
Don't let little squabbles or defensiveness keep you from the joy of connectedness.
Family is too precious to take for granted!

~ HUGS to you Precious Ones ~

Thinking of MOM

Three years ago today, my mother stepped out of her earth suit and into Heaven.
How I remember that Sunday afternoon, 52 hours prior to her passing, when the Hospice nurse told me that death was "imminent."  I was the only one in her apartment, as my step dad was taking a nap down the hall.

Imminent  (in this context) was a foreign term to me so I asked the sweet nurse to explain.  She told me that my Mom was slipping away, her vital functions shutting down. It would just be days or even hours before she left.

Even now, after three years, it is impossible to type these words without tears flowing done my cheeks.
For me, April 1st will never be a day for goofy jokes again.  Oh, I used to love a funny prank, just ask Hubby about the coffee creamer that poured out of the container a lovely green color! 

But now, this is a day to honor my Mom's memory, to reach out to loved ones and reflect on the 75 years she spent on this earth.  I can no longer make a quick trip to the cemetery to leave a rose on her grave, but I can pause and give thanks for the treasure of family.   I'm so grateful for the love GOD enables us to experience in such frail vessels.

Here is the African Violet that Hubby purchased for me on the first anniversary of Mom's passing.  She always had African Violets in her window! 
It's doing rather well, don't you think?

Blessings to you and yours! 
                  Hug each other a little tighter tonight!